Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I love you. Go after that dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
