we're chasing vodka with high fives
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
