How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
