oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
