After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
