i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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