I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want her autograph on my taint
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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