He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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