You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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