You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
