I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
