I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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