Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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