if you like me you must not know who I am
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
