Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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