whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
