i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
