I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
