1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My sheets look like a crime scene.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
