just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
