so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
