did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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