he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
