I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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