our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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