The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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