sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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