I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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