You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Someone came in the potted fern
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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