yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
