suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
