All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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