I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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