well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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