Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
