MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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