at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
