it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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