if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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