I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
