does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
