I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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