The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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