Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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