Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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