I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
