loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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