four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
