My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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