She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
