"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
