My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
