Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
