matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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