Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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