I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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