she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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