After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
