I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
