This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
