Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
