just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
