I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
