I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
