I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
