Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think my vagina is haunted
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
