im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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