He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
